Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
