he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
