im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How external is "for external use only"?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sex in a hospital.. check
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
