I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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