Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
