Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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