I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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