I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
