Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
