Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
