Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
