There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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