Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize