So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
