You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize