Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize