even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
