I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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