So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
