We're like a lot better than the average bears
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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