i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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