Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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