Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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