i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
