I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
