I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize