At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Houston, we have a squirter
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
