Someone shit on the floor
No stitches, just platelets and will power
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
