If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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