You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize