I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
