the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
