Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
