End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My feet surprised me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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