You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
