oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
