I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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