Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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