How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
