porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
