She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
