If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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