Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize