WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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