we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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