just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just found a bag of teeth...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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