I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
