ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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