just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
