You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
