I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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