I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
