I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
