he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
