She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
