Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
