Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
