my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
