my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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