best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
