No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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