Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
