i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
