i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
