My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
