I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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