i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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