so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize