Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
