sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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