Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
